Love and Gift Giving

Happy Valentine’s Day! Today, I was reminded of a Christmas story that bears remembering on this day of love. Remember the little drummer boy? He had no gift to bring the infant king and so he felt ashamed at missing the opportunity to give… until he realized he had his drum and his gift became playing his best! He played his best song… He played it the most enthusiastically he ever played before! His gift was his best… a gift of himself. Risking rejection, he played his heart out!

What if giving our best is all that is required of us to give the best gift possible? Can you give better than that? If I know my purpose, and I am living it to my fullest, giving my best me to the world around me, is there anything of more value that I have? I think not. So many times I find myself holding back on people. I don’t say what I want to say, I am content smiling. When I enthusiastically play my best song, live my purpose and give my best, when I risk rejection and throw my heart out, I connect with others! I make a difference! And so do you!

You have something amazing in you to give to others! You have a great purpose in being here and a gift to give! You are magnificent! You are amazing! Chocolates, flowers, gifts… they are all nice, and giving yourself… That’s giving your best and will make the most difference to your sweetheart today… and to the world.

BE- your best you!

Excellence Vs. Perfection

As a recovering perfectionist, I am amazed at the many opportunities I have to share my learning as I face this giant. Today, I had the privilege of assisting a student of mine with this daunting monkey. So here is some of what I have learned.

When I first walked into the martial arts studio, I wasn’t too excited to learn about fighting. I signed up that day for classes based on one phrase in the byline of my sensei’s information book: The Art of Personal Excellence; Excellence became one of my values that day as a new martial artist. So did my commitment to creating a distinction between excellence and the daunting illusion of perfection that had been haunting me.

More than 20 years later, I am just as committed to excellence in myself and my students. I want to clarify here what excellence means in contrast to perfectionism.

The striving for perfection is the striving for the illusive “one right way,” making others wrong or inferior. It sets us up for elitism and self righteousness. Striving for excellence however brings us and others towards empowerment and greatness. Perfection isolates us in having to do it by ourselves without help, excellence leaves room for the collaboration of others.

In perfection mistakes are not allowed. In excellence mistakes are opportunities. The idea of perfection creates fear, while the idea of excellence creates excitement. The pursuit of excellence leads to learning and growth while the attempt at perfection leaves one stagnant. The pursuit of excellence promotes acceptance and risk. Perfection creates safety and comfort in what is known, and judgment of what doesn’t conform.

Results are just results and opportunities in the pursuit of excellence. Perfectionism however, ties the results to self-worth. Perfection is a destination, is done on auto-pilot and is tied to image building. Being in the pursuit of excellence is a spontaneous, purposeful journey of self discovery. Join me in the Art of Personal Excellence creating a personal purpose for yourself, breaking the chains of perfection and jump on the train of possibility!


If You Don’t Love What You Do…

…change it! If you don’t wake up in the morning looking forward to your day then it matters not what your doing… in my mind, that’s not success. What can you do that you absolutely love? What jump starts your passion? What can you get excited about? That’s your dream and vision.

What small steps can you take to move in the direction of creating the life you really life? Why small steps? Because each step we take toward something we love is giving us emotions such as hope and something to look forward to. The joy is in the journey creating something we love long before we get there.

Likewise, waking up to dread and hopelessness robs us of hope and something to look forward to. Our day is lifeless, boring and more like and existence than I life. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the length. I have lived both of these scenarios and can leave you with this blessing…

…may you live all of the days of your life!


What is Holding Me Back?

Barriers to performance hold us back from being who we want to be, doing what makes us happy and having what we want in our lives. When we recognize our barriers then we can move through them. The first step in change is awareness: seeing what is holding us back. Next we get to identify how this behavior still works for us, then we can decide what possibilities are open to us if we change it and choose something else.

Our barriers allow us to stick with our stories, excuses, and justifications and the same results. We all have our stories. Einstein told us that the definition of insanity is doing the same things expecting different results. Barriers show up in our bodies (stomach, head, nerves), in our language (should, Have to, always, never, could), in our attitudes (complaining, apathy), in negative self talk and in our behaviors.

Take a few moments and look at the list and notice which barriers show up in your life.

    Dissociation, apathy
    Playing the Con, exaggerating, manipulating,
    Self-righteousness, feeling superior, judgmental
    Playing the Victim, accusing, blaming
    Feeling Regret, worthless
    Doubt, self-doubt, doubting others
    Resentment, revenge motivated
    “Trying” never fully committed
    Lacking Follow-through, breaks promises
    Cynicism, chronic mistrust
    Resignation, giving up
    Hopelessness, worrying/hoping about future or the past
    Excusing, explaining, defending, justifying

Some ideas to ponder – What is my pay off? How does it support me? Do I still want it in my life? What resource state can I choose instead?

Example: confusion is one of my favorite barriers to performance, when I am in confusion I do not have to take action therefore I get to blame others for my situation. I don’t want this, since I am not happy when I am confused and a victim. A resource state is to focus on what I want and take one step toward that today.

BE -purposeful

People Support Our Purpose and Declarations

People love to support us in our purpose and what we declare. Having a purpose is powerful because it is a clear stand that says what you are about. People can align with you when they know what you are about. When we declare the next step for ourselves to people there is always support to be found in the moment of decision or weakness.

This was apparent to me this week as I faced something new. I began the Body for Life program last week. I had started this program last year and had a difficult situation that had me choosing not to complete the program. Now I am ready to complete and enjoy a new body. Before I backed out, I knew I needed support this time. I enrolled the help of a health coach. (Yes, we coaches practice what we preach… I have two coaches.)

The other night I was really tired and I did not want to complete a workout. I left a message for my coach, and made a plan to be complete if he did not call back. My coach did call and asked me a few questions about my purpose and how I will feel when complete. This is all it took and I got my workout done. None of this would have happened if I had not declared my intention to complete the program and enrolled help. I also get great suggestions about how to fit the program into my schedule.

Thanks Coach!

BE -Declaring

Acknowledging the Dark Side

In reading “The Dark Side of the Light Chasers,” by Debbie Ford this week I am realizing that one of my purposes and those of my clients is to live all of the authentic parts of ourselves. This means embracing the things about me that I try to deny and repress. Sometimes I am selfish, greedy and domineering. These are traits that I have as a human. We all have positive and negative traits. It is in denying our negative traits that we give them power over us.

We hide them always wanting to be good… they flair up without us wanting them too. Then we feel bad about not being able to control our negative traits showing. We feel bad about who we are. When we embrace these traits and acknowledge them as a part of our authentic selves we can thrive in wholeness.

Today is Peace Day at school and a fine young senior gave a speech about his commitment to being a peace maker. I was so pleased that he recognized the wholeness in himself when he said that he doesn’t always have positive peace practices, but sometimes he chooses negative traits. He then acknowledged his goal of being a peace maker most of the time. I bet he will be a peacemaker more often because of his wholeness, rather than if he is fragmented.

BE -whole

You’re Here, Aren’t You?

I have been pondering Dr. Wayne Dyer’s book, “The Power of Intention,” for a while now, since I read what he has to say about purpose. I believe he is absolutely correct, in fact, I think about it every day. In essence what he said was that the very fact that you are here means that you have a purpose. Nothing in the universe exists without a purpose. Pause and think on that.

Just the fact that I am here means that I have a purpose. How do I know this is so? That is what I am struggling with, it seems like a bit of circular reasoning, but I just know it is true. The fact that you are here means you have a purpose. You get to decide what that purpose is, what activities or ways of being most align with what your purpose is and what makes you feel the most fulfilled.

When a person knows their purpose, really knows what they are meant to be, and the vision they’re meant to do, choices are easy. Life becomes nearly effortless when we realize that in living our purpose all the resources we need are available to meet our every need. People, money, and opportunities align when we are aligned with our purpose.

BE -purposeful

Being Grounded in Purpose

Just because I’m a coach, doesn’t mean that the things I know, I can keep practicing 24/7. Recently I have been struggling with some relationship issues, so I got a bit off center in analyzing. When in this state I am not in my personal purpose. Noticing the state I was in, I used my toolbox and again became grounded in my purpose. This reminded me why having a personal purpose is so important to me.

Having a personal purpose helps me to stay focused on what I am doing now that aligns with my purpose and stay out of reaction to the environment around me. Events outside of my control are always happening, with my kids, with the community and in life. What I can always take control of is my response. When I am grounded in my personal purpose I am much more effective in responding in a conflict with a win/win response.

When grounded in my purpose I am much more patient, calm and positive. When I am grounded in my circumstance I can react impatiently and rashly. I create greater results that are aligned with my values, my vision and my purpose when I am grounded in my purpose. My life is greatly enhanced by being grounded in purpose. Yesterday I met with a lady to design a purpose workshop in the Palm Desert/ La Quinta Area. If you are interested in taking on a personal purpose or further clarifying your purpose or vision please join us… it will be fun!

BE -Purposeful

Being in Ownership -Montel Williams

Listening to an interview with Montel Williams this morning I was struck by his resiliency. Montel was diagnosed with MS seven years ago and has begun LIVING with MS, while not letting MS dominate his life. He is a model for others who have struggles to overcome both physically and emotionally. His new book has many tips on emotionally owning your own happiness.

My biggest take away from this interview in Success Magazine’s CD companion was the thought that “I alone own who I am.” Montel said this about creating his life, and living his life with the events he has been given. He is a personal example that it is not what happens to us in life it is our response to what happens that governs how it will impact our life.

Montel says that he doesn’t care what people think of him, only what he thinks… he’ll worry what other people think about who he is later down the line. Right now he is in ownership of all that he is and does with his life from his radio shows, books and TV shows and he chooses to be an inspiration to others. For Montel it has been a journey of self discovery, and wellness practices that impact the world. Check out his books on wellness at

 BE –in ownership of who you are.